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| DATE | 2020-06-17 |
| FROM | Ruben Safir
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| SUBJECT | Re: [Hangout - NYLXS] Health of our children..
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The Toll That Isolation Takes on Kids During the Coronavirus Era
Andrea Petersen
12-15 minutes
After six weeks of lockdown due to Covid-19, Cari Marshall was getting
concerned about her 11-year-old daughter Chloe. The child missed seeing
her friends in person and was becoming frustrated communicating with
them solely via FaceTime, TikTok and the gaming app Roblox.
“It laid bare how important her personal relationships are to her daily
happiness,” says Ms. Marshall, a political volunteer organizer in
Austin, Texas. “She is all about her friendships.”
With many summer camps canceled, many families continuing to practice
social distancing and the upcoming school year a big question mark,
pediatricians and psychologists are raising alarms about the potential
impact of prolonged social isolation on children. Some point to research
that has found an array of benefits of positive peer relationships:
Children who have them are more likely to later develop healthy romantic
relationships and be more effective at work. Good relationships with
peers during the teen years are linked to better health during adulthood.
Cari Marshall has started to arrange socially distanced playdates for
her daughter Chloe, 11.
Photo: Cari Marshall
“There’s a key connection between having good peer interactions and
social emotional well-being,” says Rebecca Rialon Berry, clinical
associate professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU Langone
Health in New York. “In certain populations, we’re seeing that our
depression and anxiety are heightening with continued quarantining” and
other aspects of the pandemic. “We have to start talking about the
calculated risk and taking some more.”
There’s already evidence that social isolation may lead to mental health
issues. About 23% of elementary school students in Hubei province in
China had symptoms of depression and 19% had anxiety symptoms after two
or more months of home confinement earlier this year during the region’s
coronavirus outbreak, according to a survey of 1,784 children published
in April in JAMA Pediatrics.
Psychologists are particularly concerned about how socially anxious
children and others who already struggle making or keeping friends will
fare. These youngsters might be relieved now to have a break from the
social minefield of the lunchroom or playground, but “not having as many
opportunities to practice, you might see a kind of withering of the
social skills or a lack of development of the social skills,” says Eli
R. Lebowitz, associate professor at the Child Study Center at Yale
School of Medicine.
Children are less likely than adults to become seriously ill from
Covid-19 and many show few symptoms. However, there have been rare cases
of a dangerous complication called multisystem inflammatory syndrome in
children. And doctors are still trying to understand how easily infected
children could spread the virus to more vulnerable people.
Friendships play different roles throughout children’s development. For
preschoolers, playing with other children and “learning to share,
keeping your hands to yourself” helps develop our “core moral building
blocks of empathy, perspective-taking, negotiation, collaboration and
cooperation,” says Dr. Rialon Berry. Playing with peers teaches children
to regulate their emotions and behavior. “If we can do so, more people
are going to want to hang with us and play with us,” she says. These
skills are critical to navigating all sorts of adult relationships.
Preschoolers need to interact with other children to learn these
lessons, says Kenneth Rubin, professor of human development and
quantitative methodology at the University of Maryland. “Parents just
can’t tell kids how they should act with other kids,” he says. “Children
learn to be kind based on their understanding of how others feel and
that they are in need of a hug.”
During the elementary school years, time with friends allows social
skills to sharpen as children hone their “ability to take the
perspective of others. There are opportunities to examine and discuss
alternative and conflicting ideas and to compromise,” Dr. Rialon Berry
says. Competing with peers on sports teams and in academics helps kids
learn about winning, losing and managing conflict, says Karen L.
Bierman, director of the Child Study Center at Pennsylvania State
University. And the growing complexity of children’s relationships—the
changing roster of best friends and peer groups—teaches children to
manage challenging emotions like jealousy, Dr. Bierman says.
For teenagers, relationships with peers help them “develop a sense of
identity and values,” says Mary Alvord, a psychologist in Chevy Chase,
Md. As teens separate from parents they rely on their friends for social
support and help navigating the choppy waters of adolescence, notes Dr.
Rialon Berry.
“Of all age groups, this virus is probably more socially devastating to
teens than any other group. They are bored and they are lonely,” says
Joseph P. Allen, a professor of psychology at the University of
Virginia. The teen years are when children “learn to manage issues of
intimacy and loyalty and boundaries that are crucial to adult
functioning,” he says. Dr. Allen points to the rising rates of anxiety
and depression among teens in recent years. Studies have also found that
teens and young adults report more feelings of loneliness than any other
age group. Social isolation may make these problems worse, Dr. Allen says.
Share Your Thoughts
How are you trying to balance the risks to children during the pandemic?
Join the conversation below.
Connecting with peers digitally can help children maintain friendships.
Teens and many tweens already had robust digital social lives before the
pandemic, of course. Texting, meet-ups on Zoom and multiplayer
videogames have filled some of children’s need for social connection.
But digital playdates won’t be sufficient for younger children, says
Dimitri Christakis, a pediatrician and director of the Center for Child
Health, Behavior and Development at Seattle Children’s Research
Institute. “It is immensely important to be physically present the
younger you are,” Dr. Christakis says. “Social emotional learning
happens when they are physically present with peers learning to
negotiate and share. You can’t do that over Zoom.” Dr. Rialon Berry says
that while some of her tween and teen patients seem content with online
socializing, others are craving physical closeness. “Some say, ‘I just
want a hug,’” from their friends, she says. “The neurochemical response
that comes from human touch is real.”
And even the most ardent online social butterflies can get tired of
virtual get-togethers, especially since crucial cues like eye contact
and body language can be missing. Dr. Alvord suggests that children keep
online meetups interesting by playing old-school games like charades or
Scattergories. Dr. Allen advises teens to prioritize interacting with
friends one-one-one over making “curated” posts on Instagram and Snapchat.
Franklin Mendelsohn, an 18-year-old graduating high school senior in
Silver Spring, Md., says the pandemic has caused him to re-evaluate some
of his friendships. He’s mostly been socializing with friends on
Discord, a communication platform popular with videogamers. But one high
school friend rebuffed his efforts to connect online. “Being socially
distant from people makes it very clear who actually wants to talk to
you,” he says. “It’s very easy to weed out people who are friends of
convenience.” But Mr. Mendelsohn has also reconnected with an elementary
school friend and now plays videogames and communicates on Discord with
him every day. “We have so much time,” he says.
Some families are experimenting with socially distanced playdates
outdoors where children stay at least 6 feet apart, sometimes wearing
masks. Many pediatricians and psychologists recommend this approach for
older elementary schoolers, tweens and teens. “Even though you’re 6 feet
apart, the social cognitive neurochemistry is firing like crazy, hearing
their stories and who likes who and who doesn’t like who,” says Arthur
Lavin, a pediatrician in Beachwood, Ohio, and chair of the American
Academy of Pediatrics’ committee on psychosocial aspects of child and
family health. Dr. Alvord recommends activities like riding bikes,
skateboarding and drawing with chalk on driveways, things that are
relatively easy to do while staying physically apart. Younger children,
however, aren’t likely to be able to keep their distance and their play
generally requires close contact.
Sarah Morford drives daughter Marilyn, 5, to her friends’ houses so she
can drop off homemade gifts in their mailboxes.
Photo: Sarah Morford
Sarah Morford of Williamsburg, Va., has come up with some creative ways
to keep her daughter Marilyn, 5, and son George, 4, connected to their
friends. Marilyn, in particular, loves drawing pictures, painting rocks
and making bracelets. Most Fridays, Ms. Morford drives Marilyn to her
friends’ houses so she can drop off the homemade gifts in their
mailboxes. “She has the recipient in mind as she’s making the thing,”
says Ms. Morford, who owns a mobile spray-tanning business.
For families with multiple children, siblings do provide a built-in kid
to play with—and fight with. But doctors and psychologists say that
siblings can’t fill the role peers do. “Almost invariably they’re not
the same age. Their skills are at different levels,” says Yale’s Dr.
Lebowitz. Siblings often compete for parent’s attention and may have
dramatically different interests.
Dr. Christakis is a proponent of “pods,” where two families that have
been isolating team up and allow in-person gatherings without social
distancing. Dr. Bierman says children will benefit from connecting
closely even with just one friend. “Think of [children] as having a
social emotional learning deficit. Try to make up for it with extra time
with friends,” Dr. Christakis says.
In late April, Ms. Marshall in Austin began arranging socially distant
one-on-one outdoor playdates with one of her daughter Chloe’s closest
friends. In late May, she started them with a few more friends. The
children swim at opposite ends of the pool, watch movies on a large
screen Ms. Marshall put up in the family’s yard and make TikTok videos.
The rules are “no sharing food, keeping distance, no hugs or kisses,”
Ms. Marshall says.
Chloe is thrilled. “It’s exciting and I feel really happy” to see
friends, the soon-to-be sixth-grader says. “I missed them a lot.”
The Power of Peers
Children gain critical life-skills from spending time with peers. Here’s
some of what they learn by age:
—Preschoolers
Regulating emotions and behavior, negotiation and cooperation
—Elementary school
Winning, losing, managing conflict, honing the ability to take the
perspective of someone else
—Teen years
How to give and receive social support, intimacy, loyalty, boundary setting
Write to Andrea Petersen at andrea.petersen-at-wsj.com
More in Health and Wellness
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